The World's Most Confusing Kiss
by K9GM3
Summary: In which Jade surprises her boyfriend, Cat gets curious and Beck is terrible at poetry.


_As I laid on my bed, a sound disturbed me. It was the sound of somebody rapping rapidly on my door, seeking entry…_

…Hey, don't judge me. I'm an actor, not a writer. Give me lines to deliver and I'll gladly do so, but please don't ask me to write them. Anyway, as I was trying to say in more poetic terms than I am capable of: somebody's knocking on my door. It's too fast to be André, Tori or either of my parents, too strong to be Robbie, and Jade doesn't knock altogether, so that leaves everyone's favourite red-headed little whirlwind. Which is a little surprising, because she's supposed to be at my girlfriend's house right now doing… whatever it is those two do when they're alone. I still don't understand how they even get along.

"Hi Beck!" Cat waves and bounces (yes, bounces) when I open the door. Jade, who was standing behind her, walks right in, pulls me into a lengthy kiss and then goes over to my couch, not saying a word. I'm kind of used to it. Cat gives me a quick hug and bounces (there is just no other word to describe it) over to Jade, laying down on the couch with her head in Jade's lap. And Jade does not object. I'm pretty sure anyone other than Cat or myself would have been shoved right off, possibly tossed out of the RV.

There's a big silence for a while, then Cat says: "You remember how you met Jade, right?" Something's different about her. She's suddenly much… quieter. Calmer, too. It would have been a disturbingly quick mood swing if I hadn't known Cat for over two years. Jade is glaring at me in such a way that I know it's important to her as well. Jade has many different kinds of glares. I think I've seen about 90% of them. _Gotta catch 'em all!_ This totally isn't the time to reference Pokémon, not even in my mind, so let me just say that it was an epic show, and get back to the issue at hand: how I met Jade.

"Yeah, I remember. You brought her over to meet André, and I was hanging out with him at the time. It's when I met you, too." Jade nods in confirmation. Cat tries nodding as well, but it looks kind of weird in her horizontal position. "So what about that?" Cat and Jade exchange a look, then Cat hides her face and Jade starts talking.

"She had a crush on you back then," she says. This is surprising news. "But she didn't do anything, because she knew I wanted you as well." I look at Cat for confirmation, but she's hiding behind her hands, so she doesn't see me. "And tonight, she was wondering what it would have been like if she had been the one to end up dating you." Cat makes a little squeaky noise. Jade continues: "So I want you to kiss her."

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up here. I think I missed a step somewhere, because there is _no way_ that _Jade _is asking _me_ to kiss _another girl_. Cat's face – well, the part of it I can see – is bright red and radiating enough heat to keep me warm at night, and that definitely is _not_ the phrase I was looking for but it just popped into my mind and I really hope Jade doesn't read my mind right now… Seriously, how is this happening?

Cat sits up and looks at me expectantly. Jade's looking at me as well, one eyebrow firmly raised. "You want me to kiss Cat?" She nods. "…You're sure?" She nods again, giving me her 'stop asking' glare. I look at her a bit longer, still not _quite_ able to believe what she's telling me to do, which leads her to throw her hands up in frustration.

"Oh, for crying out loud… Look, I'm _not_ going to hold it against you. Just kiss her and we can all move on already." Cat is getting up and moving towards me. I look at Jade, who gives me her 'just get it over with' glare (I think I may reach 91% before the night is over), then back at Cat, who is now really close and she presses her lips against mine… And honestly, it feels kind of nice. She doesn't kiss like Jade, that's for sure. Jade claims my lips, whereas Cat's kiss is more explorative in nature. Also, she tastes like sugar. Before I can get too into it, Jade clears her throat loudly – and might I emphasise, it was her idea in the first place – to break us up. Cat pulls away, smiles at me quickly and then turns to Jade.

"I'm totally over it now!" she announces happily. I'm not sure how to feel about that statement… I mean, is my kiss really such a turn-off? Cat doesn't notice my injured pride: she just waves Jade and me goodbye and bounces (it just fits) off into the night. Jade closes the door while chuckling softly to herself. I'm so confused right now.

"So… Care to tell me what that was about?" Jade looks at me, laughs some more and then sits on my bed. I sit down next to her. "Seriously, what's going on? You just let me kiss another girl. Or should I say, you made me. Why?" Instead of an answer, she pulls me into a kiss, which evolves into a make-out session, which evolves into… well, we're on a bed. You can probably guess. It's not until after we're done with that when she answers my question.

"She wanted to know if you were a good kisser. Or rather, if you're better than I am. So I agreed to let her find out, and in return she's going to help me sabotage Tori's date this Friday." She grins darkly. I should probably warn Tori to reschedule her date. Oh, and apparently my girlfriend is bisexual. Awesome. She guesses my thoughts and gives me her 'never going to happen' glare. So much for that. I guess this whole kissing experiment was just a one-time thing that she allowed only because she knew Cat wouldn't try to steal me. Or something like that. I think that's fairly accurate, but she doesn't want to confirm it. Or deny it. So yeah, I'm sticking with that theory.

Two questions remain unanswered, though. Does Jade think I'm a better kisser than Cat, and does Cat think I'm a better kisser than Jade? Jade refuses to tell me, and Cat never brings it up again; she also manages to avoid the subject like a pro, making me suspect that she's a lot smarter than she seems. As for if Cat kisses better than Jade, or vice versa… Let's just say that Cat kisses differently. It's nice, but so is Jade's method, and they're really too different to say if one is better.

I know you're probably waiting for a conclusion or an epilogue or something, but… well, there isn't one, really. Nothing's different: Jade still gives her 'get off my boyfriend' glare to every girl who gets too close (red-headed exceptions notwithstanding), Cat still treats me like her favourite older brother, and I still see both of them the same way I did before. Just a random event in the life of Beck Oliver. Just something that happens when your girlfriend's best friend is Cat Valentine. So let me instead close off with a final attempt at poetry:

_For though her lips were sweet as sugar, they did not outmatch my girlfriend's lips of… not-sugar._

Poetry is stupid anyway.

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**A/N: Alright, so... This originally started off as a fic based on the prompt _We'll Put the Lonesome on the Shelf_ (in turn based on the song _You and I_ by Ingrid Michealson). I originally intended it to be a Cat/Beck fic where Cat and Beck speculate on what their relationship would be like. That eventually got changed to her being curious what Beck kisses like. Then Jade somehow got involved in the story, and now it matches neither the prompt nor my original intention of not writing Jade for a change.**

**Bottom line: I suck at challenges. Apologies to Lovely Amelie.**

**...But hey, it might still be good, right? Or not? Either way, you should leave a review to tell me so.**


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